5 Simple (But Powerful) Tools For Fighting Stress

Most people living in the modern world experience continuous stress in the form

of daily hassles, relationship troubles, problems at work, chronic illness, or other external life events.

Have you ever wondered why some people are devastated by this stress, while others are relatively unaffected? Or why some people thrive in high-pressure, driven work environments while others self-destruct?

The reason different people respond so differently to the same stressors is that our response to stress is largely defined by perception.

In other words, although there are certain events that virtually all people experience as stressful (such as the death of a loved one), it is our subjective perception of the event—and the meaning that we assign to it—that determines how we respond.

Say you’ve just had a fight with your partner. If you perceive it as a trivial, passing event with little significance, it is unlikely to trigger a significant stress response. However, if you see it as a sign that your relationship is doomed and will be a lifelong source of unhappiness (okay, I’m exaggerating to make a point!), you can bet that it will trigger a massive stress response.

4 key factors that determine how we respond to stress

So what determines the intensity of our response to a particular stressor? Research has identified four key factors: 

1. The novelty of the event
2. The unpredictable nature of the event
3. A perceived threat to our body or ego
4. A sense of loss of control

Some researchers and clinicians use the acronym N.U.T.S. (novelty, unpredictability, threat, sense of no control) to refer to them. I think that’s perfect!

This concept of perceived stress has important implications.  

The first is that we can influence how we respond to stressors by changing how we perceive them. In psychology, this is known as “reframing.”

Feeling overwhelmed by stress? Try this.

Let’s say you lose your job. If you perceive that event as a sign of your worthlessness and an indicator that you’ll never be successful, I think you can imagine how your body will respond (it won’t be fun!).

But what if you saw the loss of your job as an opportunity to pursue a longtime dream that you’ve ignored and a chance for a fresh start? In this case, losing your job would be unlikely to trigger a harmful stress response and may even be a source of “eustress,” or positive stress.

I’m not suggesting that it’s possible, or even desirable, to put a positive spin on tragic or horrific events. But if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by all of the minor, daily hassles that characterize most of our lives, reframing can be a powerful way of mitigating the impact of that stress.

5 tools for reframing stressful experiences

The good news about reframing is that it gives us a measure of control over how we respond to the stressful events of life. As I mentioned above, a sense of loss of control is one of the four key factors that drive our response to stress, so anything that we can do to improve this sense of control can have a profound effect.

Here are five tools that you can use to reframe stressful experiences.

1. Question your thoughts. Recognize that your thoughts about the stressful event are just thoughts—they aren’t real, and you don’t have to believe them. Ask yourself whether your thoughts are really true and accurate, or whether they are just a perception or belief.
2. Embrace a threat as a challenge. Ask yourself if there is a seed of opportunity or growth in the stressful event. For example, if you’ve just been diagnosed with a chronic illness, can you use that event as a way of giving yourself permission to take better care of yourself?
3. Expand your time horizon. Ask yourself whether what you’re upset about will matter in a month, a year, or a decade. Even more powerful is the “rocking chair test.” Imagine yourself at 100 years old, in a rocking chair, reflecting on your life. Will this event matter? Will you even remember it at all?
4. Increase your sense of control. We can’t control everything, and trying to do that is a recipe for suffering (both for you and for those around you!). That said, research has shown that it is our sense of control, rather than actually being in control, that determines how strongly stress impacts us. Focusing your attention on the things that you can influence, finding creative solutions, and making a list of resources you can draw on or people you can ask for help can increase your sense of control and minimize the effect that the stressful event has on you.
5. Recognize that not all stress is harmful. When I first started to do a lot of public speaking, I interpreted the faster heartbeat, damp hands, and shakiness I felt before going up on stage as “anxiety.” Over time, I learned to see those symptoms simply as an expression of the energy, excitement, and anticipation I was feeling—as something positive, rather than negative. Just changing how I perceived the meaning of these sensations completely altered my experience of them.

Why mindfulness is so important

The tools above can be powerful allies in stressful situations, but they all depend upon one thing: your capacity to stay present in a difficult situation.

Stressful experiences often trigger a cascade of fears, anxieties, and “stories” we tell ourselves about what the event means about us or our future (i.e., “I didn’t get this job. I’ll never be successful!”).

If we are not able to stay present when we experience stress, we’re less likely to be able to do things like question our thoughts, embrace threats as a challenge, or expand our time horizon because we’re so carried away by our thought process that we can’t interrupt it.

This is why I’m such a big believer in mindfulness practice. It helps us to ground our attention in the present moment and focus on what is, right now, rather than what we fear might be.

Worrying about the future is especially stressful because we don’t have control over it and can’t respond to imagined threats. But we can influence how we respond to what is happening in the present moment, if that is where we direct our attention.

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